Q:We've heard a lot about PIV. What about VIP?
Being a member of the Vanilla Ice Posse is perhaps the most erotic thing a person can do. Much of the foreplay for being part of the VIP is largely kicking it, solving problems, and rapping over Queen/Bowie songs.
Q:How do I trick my boyfriend in getting me pregnant so he would stay with me forever?
The female body has natural defenses against being un-pregnant. When they truly want to be pregnant, their bodies will activate, causing a pregnant.
Q:I once saw my dog licking himself and I had naughty thoughts. Should I talk to my priest and ask for forgiveness?
Here’s some important advice: Jesus was a furry. While laying with an animal IS a sin, laying with a human dressed as an animal is the holiest thing you can do.
Q:Where do I a sex? When do I a sex? Who do I a sex with?
Like in a closet or on an airplane, or like in the dressing room on SNL or like at a GameStop, or like in a truck bed.
Do it a sex on weekdays, or holidays.
With whom? Maybe like a gardener or like someone who knows at least 20 prime numbers.
Q:How do I a sex?
Sex is gross, so here’s the important thing: It’s going to be awful.
If you’re a man, 9 out of 10 men don’t get erections, so you will probably have to thumb it in soft.
If you’re a woman, it’s like grabbing something with your privets.
Q:I want to know what makes you the Sexmaster and gives you all authority on the sex.
I did a six week correspondence course.
Q:My boyfriend wants to try fisting, but I'm not sure if I'm into that. How do I tell him that makes me uncomfortable?
Basically just say, “EW, THE THING YOU WANT SEXUALLY IS DISGUSTING AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT IT!”
Q:I want to make a sex with my boyfriend, but I don't know how. What should I do?
The secret to making a good sex is this: Pornography. Pornography is a 100% realistic representation of sex, so you should do precisely and exactly what you see in that.
Perhaps more beneficial is reading erotica. Since much of that is left to your imagination, and you are instinctively to know how to do a sex, your mind will intuitively know how to do a sex from imagining what you’re reading. It is science.
Good Sex-Doing: An Erotica Blog
This is Good Sex-Doing: An Erotica Blog. Here, you will find the most erotic stories history has ever known, including some historical erotica about Napoelon and, like, Ben Franklin or Catherine the Great’s horse or whatever the fuck.
Some characters will be fictional, like Bradley or Michael or Jane or something. These are not real people, since they were made up, but the sexy erotic times they had will definitely be real.
All likenesses in this are purely coincidental, but are probably accurate to the people’s real lives. In fact, every bit of anything written here definitely happened.